Candidates I would Prefer Over Donald Trump and Joe Biden
- Bill Weld
- Bill Nye
- Gary Johnson
- Jill Stein
- Andrew Cuomo, current governor of New York
- Chris Cuomo, television personality
- Rivers Cuomo, lead singer of Weezer
- ADM McRaven (US Navy, ret.)
- GEN Mattis (USMC, ret.)
- GEN McCrystal (US Army, ret.)
- Colonel Potter (US Army, fictional)
- Sen. John Thune (R-SD)
- Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) (admittedly, this is just because I like the name “Dick Durbin” almost as much as I like the name “Dirk Diggler”)
- Sen. John McCain (deceased)
- Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI, ret.)
- Emmanual Macron (even though he’s president of another country)
- Angela Merkel (ditto)
- Betty White
- the current leader of the Sinaloa Cartel
- A flightless bird
- Chief Justice John Roberts
- Judge Wapner
- Eugene Debs (see John McCain, above)
- The lead singer of Smashmouth
- Tom Hanks
- Tom Green
- Tommy Tutone, band that created seminal eighties hit “867–5309”
- Whoever is in charge of the Gamorrah
- Whoever is in charge of the Arby’s franchise in Raton, New Mexico
- The number 6 sub from Jersey Mike’s
- Bernard Goetz, subway vigilante
- A St. Bernard
- A group of children lost while on a field trip to the National Air and Space Museum
- The Unabomber
- Brian Cashman, General Manager of the New York Yankees
- Brian Blessed
- Siri
- Clippy
- Cameron Britton, who gave an amazing performance as serial killer Ed Kemper in Mindhunter
- Actual serial killer Ed Kemper (deceased)
- Whoever is currently located in the second stall of the men’s bathroom of the Port Authority Bus Terminal in New York
- Greg Graffin, lead singer of Bad Religion
- Willie Nelson
