Candidates I would Prefer Over Donald Trump and Joe Biden

  • Bill Weld
  • Bill Nye
  • Gary Johnson
  • Jill Stein
  • Andrew Cuomo, current governor of New York
  • Chris Cuomo, television personality
  • Rivers Cuomo, lead singer of Weezer
  • ADM McRaven (US Navy, ret.)
  • GEN Mattis (USMC, ret.)
  • GEN McCrystal (US Army, ret.)
  • Colonel Potter (US Army, fictional)
  • Sen. John Thune (R-SD)
  • Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) (admittedly, this is just because I like the name “Dick Durbin” almost as much as I like the name “Dirk Diggler”)
  • Sen. John McCain (deceased)
  • Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI, ret.)
  • Emmanual Macron (even though he’s president of another country)
  • Angela Merkel (ditto)
  • Betty White
  • the current leader of the Sinaloa Cartel
  • A flightless bird
  • Chief Justice John Roberts
  • Judge Wapner
  • Eugene Debs (see John McCain, above)
  • The lead singer of Smashmouth
  • Tom Hanks
  • Tom Green
  • Tommy Tutone, band that created seminal eighties hit “867–5309”
  • Whoever is in charge of the Gamorrah
  • Whoever is in charge of the Arby’s franchise in Raton, New Mexico
  • The number 6 sub from Jersey Mike’s
  • Bernard Goetz, subway vigilante
  • A St. Bernard
  • A group of children lost while on a field trip to the National Air and Space Museum
  • The Unabomber
  • Brian Cashman, General Manager of the New York Yankees
  • Brian Blessed
  • Siri
  • Clippy
  • Cameron Britton, who gave an amazing performance as serial killer Ed Kemper in Mindhunter
  • Actual serial killer Ed Kemper (deceased)
  • Whoever is currently located in the second stall of the men’s bathroom of the Port Authority Bus Terminal in New York
  • Greg Graffin, lead singer of Bad Religion
  • Willie Nelson

I'm a writer and photographer. I'm also a combat vet (Iraq), and former investigator. I should drink less coffee.

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